Renna Communications

SATIRE! Cathy's Bilerico Post

ith my 43rd birthday looming like the iceberg that took the Titanic, I made a very important decision this morning. I am done. This whole lesbian thing is just too stressful. I guess Peter LaBarbera was always right; I just hadn’t met the right man. I actually suspect he thought he was that man, but thank goodness it’s not. Even if I do like blondes more, but for some reason I think I would end up with more in common with Mrs. Larry Craig than Mrs. Chuck Norris, if ya know what I mean.

I am much more interested in a Keanu Reeves type. I might not be a dyke anymore but I am not giving up my clothes and I think we could share wardrobes. I am sure she is a 36 short too. If I am really lucky he’s a size 7 shoe.

I’d love to stop having to dedicate my time to fighting the much better funded (and of course well-intentioned) groups like Focus on the Family. I think it’s time to focus on me! Plus, I am guessing they’ll pay more than all these LGBT clients, right? I bet they would love to have Renna Communications as their agency of record and that Sally Kern hasn’t gotten nearly the attention she deserves.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife and child but the stress of all the extra hoops we need to jump through doesn’t feel worth it any more. I have to adopt my own child, for god’s sake! OK, so I didn’t give birth and I have been fully committed and responsible for her the past two years in partnership with my “wife”, but I guess it’s all true, I am not really her mother, so why should I take all that responsibility and time? Frankly, I think the idea of snagging a man in Vegas over the weekend and getting a quickie marriage after a hot weekend sounds fun. Anyone know if Keanu is in Sin City any time soon?

And so I bid adieu to my friends, family (annoyingly and increasingly supportive of my gay lifestyle anyway, so I’ll save a bundle on birthday and Chritsmas presents) and my colleagues. But if any of you have a change of heart too, I bet there will be a few job available at the firm if you are interested.